You’re in the supermarket and the cashier asks, “How are you?”. The usual retort is to say, “Good thanks” and if you’re feeling generous you might ask the same back. We smile, assure each other of our emotional stability and continue packing the frozen peas.
Last week was one that had my emotional barometer indicating ‘High’. There were situations that rendered me unable to speak, my throat constricted, where tears became a language of their own. But even though I am getting better at embracing my emotions, it wasn’t until I attended a Yin yoga class yesterday that I realized there was more waiting in the wings.
At the beginning of the class, the yoga teacher shared why she had begun to practice Yin. It’s a form of yoga that involves slow movement, held positions and usually some meditation. I’d positioned myself right at the front, almost directly opposite her as she was also doing a sound bath too, so I wanted to feel the full effects. She talked about being a personal trainer, fitter than ever, when she was diagnosed with breast cancer in her 30s. She’d since found a place and a practice that helped her through that time and now this is her career. She hits the playlist, a soothing instrumental collection of songs you’d know, and asks us to sit there cross legged and relax. Just let go.
Behind my closed eyes the tears came and just seemed to pour down my face like a leaky bucket. It makes me smile now thinking about it. Two minutes in and she has a crier right at the front. There was so much moisture I had to get up and get a tissue and as I sat back down, I was cursing my front row seat and prime viewing for my public meltdown. But as I’ve covered before in “Why I’ve started crying in public”, I was determined to go with it and not be embarrassed about this process.
You will know that on this journey with Josh, I have an appreciation of the human system and a new curiosity for how it functions. The art of crying is truly one of self-care as it releases oxytocin, a feel-good chemical, that can ease emotional and physical pain. Having ‘a good cry’ is something I hope you’ve all felt the benefits from. It appears my declaration of crying in public is something my body has fully embraced, whether I consciously want it to or not.
In a moment when you’ve read to the end, I’d love for you to find five minutes where you just sit in quiet contemplation and ask yourself, either in your head or out loud, “How are you?”
Sit with the answer for a little while. And like in every good creative session, there are no wrong answers.
Maybe you’re sitting in gratitude, that you’re feeling good.
Maybe you’re sitting there and don’t really know how you’re feeling.
Maybe the very question gives you an emotional response you weren’t expecting, like tears, or perhaps laughter.
It is very clear to me that having a personal blog is an act of self-reflection and perhaps there is a fine line into navel-gazing. I like to work through my emotions, I need to work through my emotions because I am in a situation where there are so many that life can get tangled quite quickly if I don’t. I am happy for the people who don’t need it, but I am also the challenger who would ask everyone to stay open to the concept of self-discovery.
Being self-aware is wildly different to being self-obsessed, with the former a gift to yourself and those you have relationships with, whereas the latter is just the opposite. Society today requires us to give a lot of ourselves, at home, at work, even at the gym! It’s pressure, it’s expectation and it can leave little time for you to ask yourself how you are doing and how you are feeling. And then when you do, here comes the crucial part.
You have to listen.
Even if it’s not what you want to hear.
Even if you think it’s not what you ‘should’ be feeling.
Being honest with yourself can be really hard.
I heard a poem by Mary Oliver for the first time this week, read by my cousin. The last three lines particularly resonated. For me this poem speaks to life not always being easy, but about the self-awareness and appreciation of the place you find yourself.
Going To Walden (Mary Oliver)
It isn't very far as highways lie.
I might be back by nightfall, having seen
The rough pines, and the stones, and the clear water.
Friends argue that I might be wiser for it.
They do not hear that far-off Yankee whisper:
How dull we grow from hurrying here and there!
Many have gone, and think me half a fool
To miss a day away in the cool country.
Maybe. But in a book I read and cherish,
Going to Walden is not so easy a thing
As a green visit. It is the slow and difficult
Trick of living, and finding it where you are.
I hope you get the chance to ask yourself this important question. I can say from my own experience, acknowledging the place you are in is one of the most profound things I have done.
When the class had ended, I approached the teacher who had only just met me, and my leaky eyeballs, and she said it was such a compliment that I felt an emotional connection in her class. We hugged and I said I’d be back next week, probably crying again. I’m here for it, she said. And life served me up lesson number 965 on why being vulnerable is good for your soul.
Why don’t you join me xxx